Everyone I know is doing this all the time.

You think that I am joking.  Well too bad:

You must learn this dance K.G.

This could be us in three weeks if you practice hard:

So that we can meet some of these:

Yours,

-HFP

- Fuck all the hype about UT and specifically Jamal Charles until they have a good game against a ranked team.

- Washington is going to beat Ohio State today. I say this with 85 percent certainty.

- Patriots cameragate: You have to ask: a. what if it was the colts? and b. what if it was the bengals? And I think you’d have a worse penalty for both. Patriots just have some ridiculous get-out-of-jail free card because I think Goodell suspects that by being harsh on them, he’s going to alienate pats nation. not true. they’ve been caught with their pants down and they’re EXPECTING a spanking. Half a mil? wtf. You need to punish them so that NO TEAM EVER DOES THIS AGAIN. If I were a head coach, I would totally use a camera this week, if that’s going to be the punishment. You need to suspend the coach for 5 games, or give them an auto-forfeit on a win, or….

- Goodell needs to have a press conference where he announces that all fantasy points gained from the Pats from weeks 1-2 are invalid. Do you know how much anger this would cause? Beliczech would have a price on his head that was twice the amount he’s getting fined.

- My friend matt made up a good word that he wanted me to share with our 6 readers: vernacronym. An acronym that’s become part of the vernacular. Like: ASAP, UC, BRB. You heard it here first.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The View was on when I was getting ready for work this morning.  Yo fuck this show.  Does anyone realize why the Rosie/View scandal is so painful?  It’s because if you want to be a part of it – which you pretty much have to if you use the internet or watch any talk shows at all – then you are forced to side with either Rosie or the rest of them.  What decision do you make in this situation?  It’s like asking an expecting mother whether she wants her kid to be a crackbaby or a premie.

I used to think it was cool when Star Jones and all the OGs were on there, and they weren’t just crusading against everything that wasn’t a 40 year old white soccermom.  Today’s quote: blah blah what’s wrong with sports figures today…”Kobe Bryant, Chris Benoit, Michael Vick.” WHAT THE

Chris Benoit slaughtered his family and Michael Vick is too hood for his own good and hung dogs. 

Kobe hooked up with some gang-bang white chick who was opportunistic as shit and the charges were dropped.  Wilt Chamberlain and Magic Johnson hooked up with a combined 30,000+ chicks.  Give me a fucking break.  No one’s gonna watch the WNBA, Whoopi.   Give that shit up.

Yet another HB&Tism has entered the mainstream.

is the blind bard of our generation

10 rash predictions for the upcoming NBA season:

1. Denver: 55 wins. They went 10-1 in April before the playoffs and they’re coming back with the same team plus Chucky Atkins’ 15 ppg. So Atkins, Carmelo, AI, Camby, Nene, J.R. Smith – and one of these guys HAS to sit to make it a clean 5 on the floor. K-Mart’s the 7th best player on the team. What the fuck.

2. Houston: 55 wins. Rafer’s halfway out the door, Franchise and Mike James are both back in. I’m not necessarily, you know, OH SHIT MIKE JAMES. But still, these are your top 6 guys: T-Mac, Yao, Franchise, Chuck Hayes, Mike James, Battier. Their draft picks are also both immediate contributors.

3. Lakers finish top 3, over Houston and the Nuggets and the Mavs. OK. Here’s why: 1. Derek Fisher is in, Smush is out. Everyone gets better when Derek Fisher is on the court, particularly the 28 guards subbing in for him. And since I watched at least 8 games last year that we lost solely because of Smush’s passing, lack of defense, or general ineptitude, I’d say you can at least add that many games to last year’s win column. Derek is also about 400% better at the triangle than Smush. Just count that in there too. 2. If Kobe stays, he’s going to be hungry as shit. 3. The entire fucking crew is back! Bynum, Kwame, Luke Walton, Ronny, Brian Cook, Radmanovic, even Chris Mihm, which means a combined 7 points per game and approximately 2 dimes. The good news is that: at least for Bynum, Kwame and Walton, they’re not going to get worse. And Bynum and Walton could both actually have huge improvements on last year’s game. This could actually really happen. 4. No one ever talks about how really extraordinary Lamar Odom is. This year he’s coming in (fingers crossed) as healthy and without any dead kids.

4. The Mavs drop from the Top 3 (see above)

5. Pistons get 10 more losses or get 5 less. The competitiveness of the East ramped up in the offseason, and there are a lot more teams that threaten to hit a good night against the Stones. Atlanta, New York, Charlotte, Boston, and Orlando are all alot more to deal with this year:

6. Atlanta: crazy amounts of young talent, highlighted by Horford. I didn’t feel like adding it up, but I think they’re officially the youngest in the NBA. Which probably means shit for their record, but certainly signifies a lot of random wins against great teams.

7. Knicks: their starting 5: Marbury (craziest dude in the league by a mile, also certainly fights dogs), Zach Randolph (scary), JC, David Lee, Eddy Curry. This team is both less and more of a disaster than last year. They’re going to be fucking insane at home with Randolph though.

8. Chicago. Doubling Tyrus’s minutes this year will be less of a turnover risk than last year, especially since he has a new mid-range jumper and his basketball wisdom has increased 6-fold from last summer. PJ Brown is also out, which is good. And I fucking hate Joakim Noah but his energy will be good off the bench. Mark them up for 55 wins.

9. Magic: With a true in-out attack plus Reddick’s awakening, there’s no team in the East who is a guaranteed win against them.

10. Bobcats: Wallace, J-Rich, and Ray Felton are all scorers. Okafor can do his thing. As long as they don’t play Adam Morrison ever, they will be in good shape.

Gawker already posted about this, but every time I see it, it makes me more giddy. Go to 2:04 for the kicker.

T-Murder could totally date all these girls if he wanted to.

This, this, this, this, this, and this

or, for the illiterate: