10 rash predictions for the upcoming NBA season:
1. Denver: 55 wins. They went 10-1 in April before the playoffs and they’re coming back with the same team plus Chucky Atkins’ 15 ppg. So Atkins, Carmelo, AI, Camby, Nene, J.R. Smith – and one of these guys HAS to sit to make it a clean 5 on the floor. K-Mart’s the 7th best player on the team. What the fuck.
2. Houston: 55 wins. Rafer’s halfway out the door, Franchise and Mike James are both back in. I’m not necessarily, you know, OH SHIT MIKE JAMES. But still, these are your top 6 guys: T-Mac, Yao, Franchise, Chuck Hayes, Mike James, Battier. Their draft picks are also both immediate contributors.
3. Lakers finish top 3, over Houston and the Nuggets and the Mavs. OK. Here’s why: 1. Derek Fisher is in, Smush is out. Everyone gets better when Derek Fisher is on the court, particularly the 28 guards subbing in for him. And since I watched at least 8 games last year that we lost solely because of Smush’s passing, lack of defense, or general ineptitude, I’d say you can at least add that many games to last year’s win column. Derek is also about 400% better at the triangle than Smush. Just count that in there too. 2. If Kobe stays, he’s going to be hungry as shit. 3. The entire fucking crew is back! Bynum, Kwame, Luke Walton, Ronny, Brian Cook, Radmanovic, even Chris Mihm, which means a combined 7 points per game and approximately 2 dimes. The good news is that: at least for Bynum, Kwame and Walton, they’re not going to get worse. And Bynum and Walton could both actually have huge improvements on last year’s game. This could actually really happen. 4. No one ever talks about how really extraordinary Lamar Odom is. This year he’s coming in (fingers crossed) as healthy and without any dead kids.
4. The Mavs drop from the Top 3 (see above)
5. Pistons get 10 more losses or get 5 less. The competitiveness of the East ramped up in the offseason, and there are a lot more teams that threaten to hit a good night against the Stones. Atlanta, New York, Charlotte, Boston, and Orlando are all alot more to deal with this year:
6. Atlanta: crazy amounts of young talent, highlighted by Horford. I didn’t feel like adding it up, but I think they’re officially the youngest in the NBA. Which probably means shit for their record, but certainly signifies a lot of random wins against great teams.
7. Knicks: their starting 5: Marbury (craziest dude in the league by a mile, also certainly fights dogs), Zach Randolph (scary), JC, David Lee, Eddy Curry. This team is both less and more of a disaster than last year. They’re going to be fucking insane at home with Randolph though.
8. Chicago. Doubling Tyrus’s minutes this year will be less of a turnover risk than last year, especially since he has a new mid-range jumper and his basketball wisdom has increased 6-fold from last summer. PJ Brown is also out, which is good. And I fucking hate Joakim Noah but his energy will be good off the bench. Mark them up for 55 wins.
9. Magic: With a true in-out attack plus Reddick’s awakening, there’s no team in the East who is a guaranteed win against them.
10. Bobcats: Wallace, J-Rich, and Ray Felton are all scorers. Okafor can do his thing. As long as they don’t play Adam Morrison ever, they will be in good shape.
