Two-Fur

Haven’t been tuning into the bullshit on CBS all-day.  Watching the Bulls/Cavs game instead.  Which seems appropriate, since Tyrus Thomas was my favorite player to watch this time last year and he’s still up there this year.  Both him and Gordon – when they’re on, def two of my favorite NBA players to watch.  Tyrus just had a block, a dunk, and a great fake-to-pull-up at 15 out.  In the third, Gordon made 4 in a row in traffic, including one coast-to-coast.  Maybe no one agrees with me that when Tyrus is TYRUS he’s one of the most enjoyable players to watch, but imagine this:  if he doesn’t get a hip replacement in two years and Gordon stays on his grind, how nuts will the Bulls be, both as a team to watch and as ring-wearers?

S Dot P Dot Ghost

Oh yeah, forgot to mention what preceded the epic ballgame – dinner at an insane sushi place. In the name of Sir Snitch’s vicariocity (great word, right? it’s mine, fuck off):

Food:
Squid salad
Kobe beef strips + hot stone to make those mofos on
Bloody rib-eye
Random bits of sushi

Drink:
Red Stripes (hotel bar)
Bottle of Demon Slayer sake
Half bottle of Taittinger
Double of Johnny Black

I feel like Eddie Curry.

(UPDATE 2:57: Forgot to mention:  Greyhound’s new website is LetsGoDog.com.  I am feeling this).

Is That Dro? Yeah.

Just finished watching the Lakers/Rockets matchup alone in my hotel room. Shit was so exciting that I felt like I was squatting with the cheerleaders. Seriously, most exciting game I’ve watched in 2007. Both teams were playing so damn quick and the Lakers’ D was insane across the board (Odom pulled down like 17 without anyone even realizing). Ronnie blocked one of Alston’s shots from a good 8 feet away on the floor, and then pulled a retarded re-dunk down the court. That’s how insane this was – Ronnie T was playing like Amare.

Lost in the fur

With my usual drinking buddy/bedfellow, Mr. Furrypaws on leave,

Furrypaws, on his way out

I was forced into a night of antiblasting. Obviously, being a strong proponent of the inalienable right to blast, this posed a bit of a problem. However, I was forced to put my usual sentiments on hold per se the absence of the likeminded.

It started off innocently enough, a nice afternoon with some cool free eats, yet it was soon complicated by a veritable Tet offensive of anti-blasting as the pan-Asian coalition brought blasting to new heights outside our window.
shit was out of control!
Under the guise of Korean pride, they blew up the block. We then divided up, he to the synagogue, I to the brothel. However, only one of us had the audacity to bring a steezy to dinner. I just brought a bottle.
After getting mildly loaded, we headed over separately to the Jewish palace. The A-blast invited a steezy along for the ride and the rest of the night was spent watching him throw some mildly awkward game, as I buried my face in bad champagne.
The A-blast was shmoozing, the steezy was willing, and I was dying. Afterwards, we came back and he threw down on the wii, while I lamented the loss of those furry paws.

Some unofficial snitching

Although we are officially opposed to snitching, what we’ve come across here is far too good not to post. From this link, one can see the results of the New York City restaurant inspection. Sadly, its kind of what you expect. But theres no way I’m ever eating at Amir’s again.

120th and Broadway Gentrification Flashpoint

As many of you may know, Columbia is putting a new building in, in a dingy lot on the corner of 120th and Broadway. Eventually this monstorosity will come to overtake the tennis courts, but for now it has merely taken over the corner. Indeed, Columbia has managed to pull this off with relatively little bad press, whereas its Manhattanville projects have caused great need for concern. Yet it is the view of this author, as well as several other local entrepeneurs who work on the corner, that this gentrification is by far worse. Meet Bodie. We’ll call him this for lack of a better name. Between utterances of “Fuck you, you cracker motherfucker” and “Got that WMD”, he revealed the horrific consequences of gentrification. Firstly, its upset his business model. “Motherfuckers came in and put a crane on my package”, he relates almost breathlessly, after selling two redcaps to a man in Lexus SUV. Furthermore, he states in so many words that building a crane there has driven down his business dramatically, saying, “I aint had no reup in weeks”. He is not the only one affected. Even the food carts have had to give up there pride of place to the ugly cranes of gentrification. WASPS looking for a quick vacation into the land of narcotics are also forced to move further afield, looking for more exotic corners than this one. How can Columbia students who are so active in social justice activities allow a brave entrepeneur like the one we describe to be driven out by the machine of the administration? Manhattinville is far away and unprosperous, 120th and Broadway is an immediate and useful local business. Such injustice must not go unpunished. Bollinger’s head on a pike!

New religion in town

Have you all heard the news? There is a new religion in town, and it is sweeping a small enclave within this great nation of ours. No it is not Islam, as foreign and new as that may sound to the White Anglosaxon, it has actually been around since the early 7th century. Nor is it some sort of witch-craft “teenage rebellion” faith that your older sister went through some time ago; this one is legitimate!

The greatest theological development since Monotheistic thought (which some date back to the time of Abraham) is called Shumunism, but others refer to it as the Shumunite Faith. The details of Shumunism are very difficult to desipher due to the fact that Shumunism is extremely secretive and targets solely an elite class that is both spiritually and mentally prepared to take on the real Truth, and due to Shumunism heavilly frowning upon any form of “snitching” (derived from the ancient Babylonian workd snertchere). However, here are some of the ideas floating around that may be fact or myth, depending on who you ask:

• Shumunism believes in the Divine glory of Shumun, also known as Shumeen, also known as Shaemi, also known as Shugmi

• Shum-n (or any variation of the name) was one of the main rivals of Yahweh as the most powerful God worshipped by the Pharices, and perhaps the Sogocies; it materialized into an alternate religion to the more powerful Judaism, but has been maintained a small but committed group until the present day.

While the exact number of followers is not well known (again the “snitching” factor), we do know that about 20 people have joined its rank on www.facebook.com. The creator of facebook Mark Elliot Zuckerberg says that it is: “The fastest growing religion on the website, growing at a rate of 600% in the last three months alone!” Pretty soon it will be able to get tax exemption from the government.

So if you find yourself lost, or In need of spiritual purpose? If your friends often refer to you as heartless, or soulless well if you fit the mold, the followers of the Shumunite Faith just might seek you and “admit you into the light”.

Days/Nights = Empty/Long

A few weeks ago I introduced you to my first/last/everything blog crush, Yale’s Elm Rock City, who grew quickly on St. Op and the rest of the Toasters. Well, not that we didn’t see it coming, but tonight she done broke the cold little heart that we collectively share:

She put Dash and the Saladeers on her blogroll.

This is all our fault of course – we brought Dash and ERC together in the thorny meadows of Blog and worried about trivial matters like Carlotta Valdez while their coy affair fermented by way of Pynchon, Bruce Robbins, and comment exchanges.

Never a bitter lover, though, I’m snail-mailing the two of them some Subalternator action figures and some Ebay-ed copies of Illuminations bound in rabbit skin.  Surely the shallow symbolism will not go uncritiqued.

HFP

MY FIRST NAME IS THE MOVEMENT. MY LAST NAME IS CONTINUES. (bka: The Sandlot)

Our first second HB&T AFI post concerns a snub. There are all sorts of kids movies on the list of 400 nominated films and all sorts of sports movies. However, for whatever reason, The Sandlot – a true great in both categories – is amiss. Now, my opinions on The ‘Lot have already met some opposition from The Anti-Blast and Snitches. But they grew up in the filmic bubbles of former Soviet states/llama farms (respectively) so their opinions don’t matter, at least not until they can quote lines from Lost Boys like the rest of us apple-pie eating motherfuckers. I digress.

The AFI criteria and my justifications for The Sandlot’s rightful place on the list are as follows:

We Can Supply You

Bethlehem Shoals, FreeDarko writer and the most esteemed personality (internet or otherwise) to ever comment on this ‘ere blawg, is ostensibly trying to get him some of them free hash browns.  His most recent post – a more literary, coherent rehashing of the speech that myself and every other Lakers fan gives when we’re drinking with  dudes in Nowitzski jerseys – sons at least half of that site’s commenters and the large percentage of so-called “ball-loving folk” who continually whine and moan about Kobe and want to railroad him to Bondsville because he’s not Pastor Wade. Or, as Shoals puts it:

“Which brings me to my most notable assertion: people hating on Kobe at this point are just total fucking idiots. I’m sorry he’s a borderline personality with a Machiavellian earth-plan. Too bad he drove Shaq out of town. Anyone on the internet still wanting to talk about Colorado, you clearly haven’t spent enough time on the internet. Or suffer from an excess of conviction, which like has so little to do with a sustained discussion of American athletics.”

True story.